Withness
+description
This concept combines the notion of "with" and "withness" to point to a way of being together that nurtures life as what is.
Withness points to our opportunity to be with people as fellow travelers on their journey rather than as distant observers of their experience. Sitting with someone is distinct from fixing them, seeking to change or challenge their state, or merely observing them from a distance.
Withness invites us into the mature form of empathy which sits beside rather than takes on the interior state of another as if it was our own. Doing the latter can make us so overwhelmed by our imagination of their experience that we can no longer support and hold for well-paced forward movement through difficult experiences.
The nonviolent communication paradigm describes this as the difference between sympathy and empathy.
So many of us have grown up with the notion that we need to help people "fix" their emotional states (and everything else). This leads to lots of unhelpful comments from people trying to help. (Also, it may help to keep "Ring Theory" in mind.) Non-withnessing statements might be things like, "Reminds me of when I..." or "Don't be..." Withnessing looks like... sitting beside in silence, saying things like, "I am hearing you saying this is hard," or "I hear in your voice and words how sad this makes you."
When we don't try to shift someone from where they are, and instead we acknowledge they are there...then bizarrely they have a greater chance of allowing it to be which may exactly what helps process it and release it.
I say that as if it is always about sadness or pain, and I think that is off a bit too. We can also be with people as they succeed: "I hear you celebrating that you reaching this goal. I want to offer my celebration with you too." Withness is an inquiry into who is at the center of the feeling and who and how to support the feeling/experience. Whatever someone else is feeling and experiencing, be with them in where they are. And when it is your moment, as that they be with you where you are. (little video tucked under this image)
Try acknowledgement and allowing:
Brene Brown on Empathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
+Personal
One with Everything
Withness
Withness, not witness.
On Decko, we write: https://thrivable.decko.org/Withness
This concept combines the notion of "with" and "witness" to point to a way of being together that nurtures life as what is.
Withness points to our opportunity to be with people as fellow travelers on their journey rather than as distant observers of their experience. Sitting with someone is distinct from fixing them, seeking to change or challenge their state, or merely observing them from a distance.
Withness invites us into the mature form of empathy which sits beside rather than takes on the interior state of another as if it was our own. Doing the latter can make us so overwhelmed by our imagination of their experience that we can no longer support and hold for well-paced forward movement through difficult experiences.
Week 1 means we make this personal. Make me one with(ness) everything.
How have you experienced withnessing? Do you make space to be with yourself? Do you quiet your thinking self to sit with your feeling self?
+Relational
Witness the Withness
This video is about withness and grief specifically. We have all had a time when we didn’t know how to comfort someone in grief. This animation from Refuge in Grief gives us some clues on how to be WITH others. And if you felt a challenge in last week’s personal withness, this might be inspiring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE
How would you extend this kind of withness to encompass other moments or relational challenges?
+Organizational
Withnessing, is it just an organizational lisp?
Lisp? Your lips or mine?
Withness in Organizations? Yep, you bet. For those of you with us during the Distributed Governance Salon series, we heard several of the Dada folks talk about the experience of withness there. Decisions are not forced and arise from listening with each other as collective understanding emerges and evolves.
Where have you been a part of organizations practicing withness? What can you do in the groups you participate in to engage with withnessing?
+Systemic
“My god, it’s full of stars”
For me, this feels hugely elemental to my approach to thrivability. In the early years of exploring thrivability, I often felt overwhelmed by the state of the world. I wanted it to be different than it was. I wanted to FIX it. It took a deep spiritual process to accept it all exactly as it is and begin to be WITH what is happening with the earth and humanity, as it is.
“My god, it’s full of stars”
Consider taking a systemic approach to withness by dancing through this article that Emaline and I wrote about enoughness: https://thrivable.decko.org/Agency_and_Enoughness_and_why..
How are you being withness to the whole of life? How are you “being with” the birth, life, and death cycles of elements within systems and of systems?
