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Relocating Relational Reciprocity
Carrying Capacity in the relational realm gets even more interesting. A big shift happens in relationships when we stop asking what is the “right” thing for any individual and instead ask, how can these two meet each other. Who has room to move in support of the shared relationship?
A long time ago, I shifted over to believing that relationships seem more like triangles. There is person A and person B and then there is the relationship, point C. If we just look at what person A does for person B and vice versa, we get caught in tit for tat and some objective standards of behavior. When we shift toward person A and person B increasing the capacity of point C.
For example when dividing chores. If A and B try to bargain with each other about who will do the dishes and who will take out the garbage, we can end up in tit for tat. If instead we say that these are the things that need doing, how can we take care of our connection © in addressing it, then we are much more likely to solve together for what serves each while getting the work done. We are also much more likely to get that this week B has some travel plans, so will do both chores next week.
Do you notice a difference in your sense of reciprocity between your relationship and the person you are in relationship with? Does contributing to the relationship feel a bit like taking care of yourself? What is the carrying capacity of another person and how is that different from the carrying capacity of the space you share with that person?
Relocating Relational Reciprocity
Carrying Capacity in the relational realm gets even more interesting. A big shift happens in relationships when we stop asking what is the “right” thing for any individual and instead ask, how can these two meet each other. Who has room to move in support of the shared relationship?
A long time ago, I shifted over to believing that relationships seem more like triangles. There is person A and person B and then there is the relationship, point C. If we just look at what person A does for person B and vice versa, we get caught in tit for tat and some objective standards of behavior. When we shift toward person A and person B increasing the capacity of point C.
For example when dividing chores. If A and B try to bargain with each other about who will do the dishes and who will take out the garbage, we can end up in tit for tat. If instead we say that these are the things that need doing, how can we take care of our connection © in addressing it, then we are much more likely to solve together for what serves each while getting the work done. We are also much more likely to get that this week B has some travel plans, so will do both chores next week.
Do you notice a difference in your sense of reciprocity between your relationship and the person you are in relationship with? Does contributing to the relationship feel a bit like taking care of yourself? What is the carrying capacity of another person and how is that different from the carrying capacity of the space you share with that person?