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This concept combines the notion of "with" and "withness" to point to a way of being together that nurtures life as what is.
Withness points to our opportunity to be with people as fellow travelers on their journey rather than as distant observers of their experience. Sitting with someone is distinct from fixing them, seeking to change or challenge their state, or merely observing them from a distance.
Withness invites us into the mature form of empathy which sits beside rather than takes on the interior state of another as if it was our own. Doing the latter can make us so overwhelmed by our imagination of their experience that we can no longer support and hold for well-paced forward movement through difficult experiences.
The nonviolent communication paradigm describes this as the difference between sympathy and empathy.
So many of us have grown up with the notion that we need to help people "fix" their emotional states (and everything else). This leads to lots of unhelpful comments from people trying to help. (Also, it may help to keep "Ring Theory" in mind.) Non-withnessing statements might be things like, "Reminds me of when I..." or "Don't be..." Withnessing looks like... sitting beside in silence, saying things like, "I am hearing you saying this is hard," or "I hear in your voice and words how sad this makes you."
When we don't try to shift someone from where they are, and instead we acknowledge they are there...then bizarrely they have a greater chance of allowing it to be which may exactly what helps process it and release it.
I say that as if it is always about sadness or pain, and I think that is off a bit too. We can also be with people as they succeed: "I hear you celebrating that you reaching this goal. I want to offer my celebration with you too." Withness is an inquiry into who is at the center of the feeling and who and how to support the feeling/experience. Whatever someone else is feeling and experiencing, be with them in where they are. And when it is your moment, as that they be with you where you are. (little video tucked under this image)
Try acknowledgement and allowing:
Brene Brown on Empathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Withness points to our opportunity to be with people as fellow travelers on their journey rather than as distant observers of their experience. Sitting with someone is distinct from fixing them, seeking to change or challenge their state, or merely observing them from a distance.
Withness invites us into the mature form of empathy which sits beside rather than takes on the interior state of another as if it was our own. Doing the latter can make us so overwhelmed by our imagination of their experience that we can no longer support and hold for well-paced forward movement through difficult experiences.
The nonviolent communication paradigm describes this as the difference between sympathy and empathy.
So many of us have grown up with the notion that we need to help people "fix" their emotional states (and everything else). This leads to lots of unhelpful comments from people trying to help. (Also, it may help to keep "Ring Theory" in mind.) Non-withnessing statements might be things like, "Reminds me of when I..." or "Don't be..." Withnessing looks like... sitting beside in silence, saying things like, "I am hearing you saying this is hard," or "I hear in your voice and words how sad this makes you."
When we don't try to shift someone from where they are, and instead we acknowledge they are there...then bizarrely they have a greater chance of allowing it to be which may exactly what helps process it and release it.
I say that as if it is always about sadness or pain, and I think that is off a bit too. We can also be with people as they succeed: "I hear you celebrating that you reaching this goal. I want to offer my celebration with you too." Withness is an inquiry into who is at the center of the feeling and who and how to support the feeling/experience. Whatever someone else is feeling and experiencing, be with them in where they are. And when it is your moment, as that they be with you where you are. (little video tucked under this image)
Try acknowledgement and allowing:
Brene Brown on Empathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw